


And then it all came crashing down

by Andarine_Lavellan



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Accidental Kissing, Adamant Fortress, Body Modification, Culture Shock, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Mage OC - Freeform, Modern Boy in Thedas, Modern Character in Thedas, Mutilation, OC in Thedas, POV First Person, Slow Burn, Spirit mage, Trespasser Spoilers, Triggers, Videogame in Real Life, bitch!Vivienne
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5081543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andarine_Lavellan/pseuds/Andarine_Lavellan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John was only a normal boy,except for the fact that he loved Dragon Age. He did not expect for a rift to open in his sleep and thrust him on a world he thought existed only in a videogame. He must now survive in a world torn apart by dangers he only imagined before now.</p><p>**This is not an Inquisitor/OC fic** and it's mood varies heavily between light and seriously dark</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To the sky, to the hell, to the earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NEWLY EDITED: Added another plot-line and made the acceptance more "believable"

I whooped. Wicked eyes and Wicked Hearts was finally complete, and Celene and Briala ruled together, with Gaspard executed. Even though I had already played this mission repeatedly over several playthroughs I still found it to be the most stressing one.  I glanced at the clock: 23:05. Damn, I had stayed up for too long. Again. Not that anyone would mind, as I lived alone in a very small apartment, away from parents, friends, and family.  
  
I saved the game as soon as the cutscene was over, and then almost tumbled to my room. I fell asleep almost instantly. When I regained consciousness, I was on a grass floor, staring up at a woman with curly horns made of white hair and a condescending expression on her face. Flemeth. This is what happens when you play too much Dragon Age, I thought. Now I'm even dreaming about it.  
  
She turned to look at me, her expression nonplussed, but as she allowed her gaze to rest over me, scrutinising me in more detail, she turned her head to one side, and flashed a small grin, which made her disturbing white pointed teeth visible. And then she spoke, her voice exactly as the games portrayed it, if more crisp.  
  
"Alas, but this is not a dream, John. You of all people should know that..."  
  
Wait. _Not a dream?_ This was _definitely_ a dream... Why would "I of all people" know... What?.  
  
"You'll know what needs to be done. You will have to guide them, floundering as they are, ignorant as you may seem"  
  
Okay this was definitely getting creepier by the second. I tried to will my body into waking up and discovered I couldn't. I stared back at Flemeth expecting answers, who only acknowledged my attention by closing her eyes and giving a soft laugh, finishing her monologue. As I said, creepy.  
  
"You do not understand. You will, in time. Fare well, John"  
  
She flourished her hand, which briefly flashed with a blue tinge, and I felt myself getting struck by an invisible wave of energy. That's how I knew I finally wasn't in a dream, or at least not in a normal one.  
  
And yet, I felt myself waking up.  
  
I immediately sat upright like a bolt, hyperventilating, a thin layer of sweat starting to form in my forehead. I was still in my bed, in my house. Everything was normal. Just a strange dream, I thought. That was, until a very loud noise, like a whip, made me almost jump out of my bones, and a very strong green light flooded my room, as if coming from the lights atop my room.  
  
I craned my neck upwards to see the source of the lights and noise, and found myself staring face to face with a rift. From Dragon Age. Definitely not just in the game and definitely very real.  
  
The weirdest shit was happening to me right now, I though, sarcastically. Maybe I was going insane... Or maybe I already was and didn't want to face it.  
  
The rift crackled again, louder than before, as if saying "Are you done with your little inside talk?" I promised to myself that I would go see a psychologist tomorrow, first thing. That is, until I felt myself being pulled from my bed with about the same level of roughness as a fist, unable to do anything but flail. And ineffectually flail I did, for what seemed like ages, while I was slowly pulled by the rift.  
  
A blinding white light and an eruption of pain in my left hand followed. I passed out.

* * *

  
I woke up to a cacophony of strange voices,the world wrapped in a green haze, my every breath and thought hurting, not able to move a single muscle. I could not possibly know the language they were speaking, but I understood what they were saying nonetheless.  
  
"What happened, Inquisitor?"  
  
"A rift opened in the courtyard and he fell out of it. It closed immediately afterwards."  
  
"Could he be a spy?"  
  
"Sunshine, why does everything weird always happen to you?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
My eyelids fluttered open, and I saw that I had a small green mark on my left hand, not unlike the one the Inquisitor in the game had, yet as far as I saw, this one was contained to one finger.Phew. The haze cleared and I could see several forms approaching, and I could only watch helplessly, still unable to move as Cassandra approached me. "Cassandra?!" I hoarsed, my throat feeling raspy and rough thanks to disuse.  
  
 She was clearly startled, and she snapped "How do you know my name, elf?". Wait, wait... did she just say ELF? I slowly raised my hands to my ears, but before I could do as much as touch them or feel them, I fainted again.  
  
I woke up in a tent surrounded by greenery. I recognised this from my many playthroughs as the infirmary in Skyhold. Then I realised I was not alone: The Inquisitor was here, but I didn't recognise her as any of the ones I had created in my playthroughs.  
  
Of course, I thought, it was stupid to think that. This was a real world, not a game anymore. She was accompanied by most of the members of her Inner Circle. Ten pairs of eyes were fixed on me, but they all turned around as they heard a voice I recognised as that of Cole.  
  
"He's confused. Wanting to be, believing he is, but not really being. He does not believe himself from here."  
  
"Not from here? You mean from another world? Is this possible? Can other worlds be connected to this one through the Fade, Solas?"  
  
 "I don't see why not. This is unheard of, of course, but I can't think about any reason to deny what's happened. We should ask him", the elf in question answered.  
  
However, at that moment a slender redhead, her face covered by a purple cowl, approached. Leliana.  
  
"I should ask him, don't you think, Solas?"  
  
The bald elf in question did a mock bow, and answered "Excuse me, spymaster; I got carried away"  
  
Leliana got closer to me, her deceivingly pleasant smile not mirrored in her eyes, chainmail shining in the morning sun.  
  
"What's your name, elf? What are you doing here? Who sent you?"  
  
I decided to feign ignorance as to my situation: Leliana was someone I didn't want to spend more than the necessary time around her.  
  
"I'm called John, S-Spymaster"  
  
"John? that does not seem a name elves normally have, right, Inquisitor?"  
  
"No, Spymaster, I have never heard of a Dalish elf called John"  
  
"I'm not a Dalish elf! I'm a human!" I once again lifted my hands to my ears, but I found them pointed, betraying my words the moment I spoke them.  
  
"Oh no. no no no no no, most definitely no!" I cried, starting to hyperventilate.  
  
"What did you do to me, Leliana?"  
  
As soon as those words left my mouth, I knew I had given too much away. _There goes my feigning ignorance_...  
  
Her eyes steeled even more, ablaze with a cold fury, and I cried as she grabbed my by the scruff of the neck, her voice the very definition of cold steel.  
  
"Who sent you, spy? How do you know my name?"  
  
"I..Gah! I am no spy!!"  
  
"Then why do you know both my and Cassandra's name and appeared in a rift which conveniently appeared inside Skyhold!"  
  
Okay, when she put it like that it did sound _very_ incriminating.  
  
"I don't know how to prove it to you, but I'm certain I'm not a spy! I was a human, sleeping, and then a rift opened above me and now I'm here!" "I don't know how else to say it, but, I'm literally from another world, where we can see yours to a certain extent"  
  
"How do we know you're not lying?!." Cassandra interjected, face scowling in the same attitude as when she had mistakenly accused the Herald of causing the explosion at the conclave  
  
"Because I know things about you that no spy would."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Your name is Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Pentaghast, a Seeker of the Chantry, who has the initials of all your names sewed into your smallclothes, or so you claim. You had a mage lover called Regalyan who died at the conclave, and you had a dragon-hunting brother named Anthony who was killed by maleficarum for not bringing them dragon blood."  
  
I finished my narrative to find all of the Inner Circle's eyes on me, mouths agape in disbelief.  
  
Varric finally spoke up, Bianca no longer in his hand but at his back, as normal. "Well, Red, if he's a spy, he's the damned best this world has seen."  
  
The alluded Spymaster, however, was not entirely convinced yet.  
  
"What do you know about Solas, then?"  
  
Of course, I thought. She doesn't know anything about him and she wants to see if I do. Well, I was not going to blow my only advantage over him.  
  
"He grew up in an unnamed Elvhen village to the north, where he studied the Fade in his dreams. When he couldn't know more about the Fade in that area, he started traveling. He does not believe in the Elvhen Pantheon or the Maker but he relishes the idea of the last one. He loves Orlesian frilly cakes." I said, all the while watching Solas, who did not betray any emotion until the end of my explanation, where a tiny smirk crossed his face.  
  
Leliana didn't look satisfied, but at least she was not glowering, a definitive improvement over mere minutes ago.

At that moment Andarine chimed in, her singsong voice a high timbre "That would explain the body we found near Leliana at the future in Redcliffe"

"Wait, wait. You are saying that you saw ME in the alternate future in Redcliffe?"

"Yes. We asked the Leliana of that timeline but she didn't know who you were, just that they were using you as a conduit for dangerous magic. When we arrived we only found your body, almost completely surrounded by red lyrium. It did seem strange to me ath the moment" she mused.

"So, Leliana, are you convinced enough?" I cockily asked her  
  
"I believe you, John. For now..."

* * *

  
  
Solas stayed after every other member of the Inner Circle had gone, and then he approached me.  
  
"I take it that you know much more about me than what you revealed the Spymaster, John"  
  
_"Tel'abelas, hahren._ But yes, I know everything important about you."  
  
"Oh? I honestly doubt that, _da'len_."  
  
"I wouldn't, _Fen'Harel_."  
  
"Is that another of the Dalish curses, _da'len_?"  
  
"No. I was talking about you, Dread Wolf. You, who plan on rectifying the mistake you made by creating the Veil and imprisoning the Evanuris, letting them roam free."  
  
He didn't even bother now to hide it. "And will you tell the Inquisitor, John?"  
  
"Yes. When the time is right. Preferably before you abandon the Inquisition. And no, before you say it, I won't try to stop you, because I think the elvhen deserve another chance. We will find a way to save the people too. If that fails, there will be other choice."  
  
Solas looked at me, hard determination softening into a look of deep regret and sorrow, before composing himself and acting as if nothing had happened. "Of course. Shall we return to the Main hall, _da'len_?"

 


	2. New Works and new Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John expands his acquaintance with the Inquisitor, and tries to settle for a routine, which may or may not include basically every character of the Inner Circle

We slowly returned to the Main Hall, where all the members of the Inner Circle were now located. The grass crunched under my feet and the air smelt of clean and crisp freedom.

I was marveled and scared at the same time, to be inside a world I liked very much but I thought did not exist. On top of it all, being an elf... I loved elves and everything they did, in fact I had even learnt the language, but I would never have imagined myself as a real, flesh-and-bone elf. Solas had obviously noticed my discomfort, and tried to offer words of advice.

"So I take it you were a human in your world? And then changed to an elf as soon as you got here?" and then quickly added "I'm surprised that as a human you knew the words of the Elvhen, and professed an interest in our culture. You are not a normal _shemlen_ , John"  
  
_"Ma Serannas, hahren"_  
  
We had finally arrived at the Main Hall, and prospects were looking glum, or so I thought. I reasoned that none of my real world "abilities" would be useful in this environment, as nothing that I was proficient at really mattered, or the technology to accomplish them hadn't even been invented yet. I was apparently so deeply mired in my thoughts that I didn't see the pie racing towards me, and the elfy face which had throwed it. I could only raise my hands in a defensive position, trying to protect my face from the worst of the sugary treat. I definitely did not expect the pie to freeze in midair and rocket back to the hand of the elf throwing the pie.  
  
I stood there, in the middle of the corridor, jaws agape in disbelief, and stayed in that position until Lavellan's voice and sound of her footsteps sounded near; and yet, I could not see her. I felt a little bump, even though nothing in sight had touched me, and immediately felt a presence right in front of me.  
  
Lavellan materialised as if from thin air, and as soon as she saw me, she adopted her most mysterious voice and said "Boy, aren't you full of surprises". I couldn't stifle the laughter that started to roll out of my lips, and in seconds the trickle had become a torrent, and I was on the floor, rolling, taking all of my confusion, frustration, and annoyance in this seemingly endless laugh.

By the time I had calmed down from my fit, Lavellan was gone, and in her place there was a note which told me to report to Leliana to see assignment to a specific area "depending on his talents", but not as a worker, but... as an attaché? What would someone like me be useful at, especially to advise the Inquisitor!?.  
  
However, you didn't question the Inquisitor _in_ the Inquisition. So I trundled along to what from memory I recalled was Leliana's, Dorian's and Solas' tower. As I entered the rotunda that was Solas' room and painting gallery, I was immediately greeted by a barrage of some type of energy that I couldn't quite identify. Then I saw Solas with his hands outstretched, and everything started to make sense. I cried out as the energy attacking me from all sides reached my mark, and it flared to life with a all-so-familiar sound. He stopped the intrusion and hurried over to me, and when he spoke, his voice contained a hint of awe.  
  
"John. Good day. I'm surprised to hear you have shown magical proficiency. I have been instructed by Leliana to teach you to master your power. You will not need to meet her for a while"  
  
"Now, please hold still and let me check you. This will not take much time at all"  
  
"Wait, what are you going to do to me?"  
  
"Nothing that will hurt you. Much..."  
  
_Oh god,_ I thought as my entire body was attacked by waves and waves of magical energy, my mark flaring up, but I noticed with increasing worry as the pain started to spread to my left hand, no longer restricted by my finger. _Shit. Shit._  
  
And then, as fast as it started, it was over. I noticed I was no longer standing and I was on the floor, clutching my left hand in pain, while Solas kept his head low and his eyes closed. After some time, he opened his eyes and told to no one in particular "I see."

Then he turned to me, and told me "It appears you are most proficient in healing magic. I will need to teach you how to master it, of course, but you will very easily find work at the infirmary. However, that means you will probably not be able to use your magic for attack. You will have to find another weapon."  
  
The revelation did not shock me as much as I thought, although I felt rage bubbling in my stomach to one in particular when I realised that the Fade had given me magical powers, but not the type of powers which could allow me to go into the field with the Inquisitor. But then, I said something I probably shouldn't have said, my annoyance practically seething through my words:  
  
"I understand, _Fen'Harel"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know, analysis spell = Total shameless plot device. I just think that he should be a mage, but that can't use his magic for battle, and needs to use another weapon, because why not?


	3. Of secrets and what comes after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He f*****d up. Now he is in trouble for knowing too much.  
> Also, love at first sight ensues? no? Just me? My dad? huh...

"Not there!" he hissed, anger etched all over his expression. "You need to learn to control yourself!"

"I'm sorry! I promise I'll try to control my tongue." 

"Or there won't be a next time."

"Yes, _hahren_. Anyway, what were you going to try and do?" I said, desperate to change the topic.

"This." he simply said.

I was dumbfounded until I started to feel the deep throes of sleep trying to claim my body, a drowsiness that had settled over my brain, clouding my thoughts. I tried to fight it, but the magic supplying the spell did not stop, and I felt myself falling asleep.  
  
I was dreaming. It was one of my recurrent dreams, where I flew through an imaginary city. It was normally calming and relaxing to be able to fly away free. But today, even though I spread my wings and tried to fly, my body did not move. Suddenly, pillars of both ice and fire appeared a long way away from where I was frozen, and even when the pillars vanished a few seconds after appearing, I flinched all the same.

The same happened to a skull, a puddle of blood, the latter one pulsing and expanding until eventually subsiding and disappearing. However, my subconscious told me that this was probably not over yet, just as the hairs in my neck started to prickle and rise.  
  
I felt him before I saw him. A sensation as if my spine had frozen in place, and an invading presence in my mind. I felt my life pass before my eyes, and saw him at the corner of my vision. He turned around, saw me, and smiled, but his smile was strained, created by sadness. He vanished in thin air, but his voice still reached me. _"Wake up"._  
  
I woke up in the sofa of Solas' rotunda. He was not there anymore. Yet another note was lying at the table beside me, this one telling me to go to Josephine and to ask her for a room in which to sleep in. I walked out of the tower and glanced at the afternoon. Close your eyes, and feel of home.  
  
I am so near the door leading to Josephine's nook, but I am stopped by the Inquisitor before I reach her. Creators, will I ever be able to complete what I'm supposed to do?  
  
"So I'm informed that you were not actually born an elf, John?"  
  
"No, Your Radiance, I was born a human and was so until I fell out of the rift."  
  
"So I take it you are not Dalish, even though you have Mythal's _vallaslin"_  
  
"No, Your Worship"  
  
"Pity. Those ears suit you" "And please, I don't want yet another person, even less someone from another world" she added rather conspiratorially. "Referring to me as something like a god"  
  
 "Yes, Inquisitor" I felt myself becoming redder and redder all over my face. What?. She saw me, and laughed.  
  
"Goodbye John. I think you have things to do"  
  
She turned around and started to walk in the direction of the garden. Before she opened the wooden door, she turned around, noticed I was still seeing her, and winked at me. The red in my cheeks and strangely, my ears, returned. I turned around as fast as I could trying to hide my shame, and opened the door to Josephine's corridor as if I was going to kill it.  
  
 I entered the room and started to walk near to Josephine. She glanced up for mere moments from her work and then returned it.  
  
"If someone is calling you knife-ear, tell me who and when, and I will see to it" came an almost automatic response from her.  
  
I was taken aback. What. I could only manage a soft "Um... well" but immediately Josephine sprang up.  
  
"I'm so sorry John!" "Is there anything you need?"  
  
"Well, Solas told me to ask you for a room assignment" I managed  
  
"Of course. Do you know where the barracks are, John?" "Oh of course you wouldn't. I apologise. I will send for someone immediately to show where you'll be sleeping"  
  
"Thank you, Josephine."  
  
I retired from the room as fast as I could, barely reaching the outside garden before a flare of magic erupted, surrounding me with grass. _Well, shit._  
  
Sure enough, later that day another elf came and showed me to my chambers. They were surprisingly large for them to be near the main soldier's barracks, and it had been stocked chock-full of books on magical theory. It was surely Solas' fault, I thought.  
  
I saw the bed, a magnificent four-poster structure, with piles of cushions on top on one another, and I dived into it. I was asleep as soon as I touched the pillows.  
  
I dreamed of my face, the face I had before all this, my normal self, and me now. The faces were changing, tattoos appearing and disappearing, ears elongating and shortening. A voice in my dream, coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, told me, voice varying from whispers to shouts " _You are not him." "You will never be the same." "You were a human, and now you're not" "You are no one"_  
  
The voice was enraging me. I had stopped paying attention to the rapidly changing face and I was trying to locate the source of the sound. I saw a sword on the floor and I grabbed it, ready to strike the voice.  
  
" _NO_!"  
  
I turned around, and Solas was there, his hand twisted in a casting position, and a creature made of lava suspended in the air. He turned to look at me, and said "This is a rage demon. This is the cause of the voice in your dream. If you use the sword, or any type of violence, you only make it stronger."  
  
"And how do I stop it?"  
  
"As a mage, you will need to learn. Now is not the time. For the time being, enjoy yourself". He glanced at the body with the ever changing face. Comprehension dawned on his  face, and he corrected himself. "I see. I think it's best for you to _wake up"_  
  
I woke up in my room, all the cushions scattered around the room, my body coated with sweat.  



	4. Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John meets Varric and has his first magical (and elven) lesson with Solas. Another surprise meeting with the Inquisitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO sorry that I haven't been updating! Something called real life is more fatiguing than I could have suspected and Homeworks + Exam + Soccer is not a great combo.
> 
> So, to apologise, extra-long chapter today

I put on the clothes that were in the closet in my room, the leather and wool feeling alien on my skin compared to the cotton that I so normally wore. My first thought on putting them on was on the heaviness and the warmth of the material, and less than ten seconds in, I was already sweating.  
  
 _I needed to get breakfast, or something..._  
  
I stepped out, and I immediately understood why they were so heavy. The cold wind bited me the moment I so much as put a toe outside of the door and my boots crunched sleet crystals which had embedded themselves in the cracks between the rocks. Every step I took to the Great Hall brought the sound of a heavy object slamming against the cobblestones and a ragged breath which created a small fog.   
  
I entered the Great Hall, the warmth of various fireplaces immediately washing over me, and a voice called me from the right side of the room  
  
 "Hey Kid, c'mere!"   
  
I glanced around the room, my gaze finally resting on a short and stout little man with an amazing amount of chest hair. _Varric_.  
  
I made my way across the room dodging giant statues of dragons, chairs, and serving woman until I finally reached the spot beside a fireplace where Varric was located. He glanced up and his eyes scanned me over twice for brief seconds until he finally greeted me. "Ears! How have you been doing?! Name's Varric for ya"  
  
I was puzzled by my sudden nickname, but also annoyed, because if I knew Varric, that nickname would stick with me from now on.  
  
"Ears? Seriously? That's the best you could do?"  
  
He shrugged in a totally I'm-not-sorry manner, and responded "Well, they're really big"  
  
"Because I'm an _ELF_. Apparently. And you're a dwarf, but nobody calls you Waddle, or Shorty!"  
  
"Well, I'm not changing it. And nobody calls me Shorty because I'm the only one who gives nicknames around here"  
  
"Fair point."  
  
"So anyway, how have you been? How are you feeling?"  
  
As if on cue, the mark that was on my finger erupted in a green burst, and I felt searing white hot pain coursing through my finger. I felt the pain growing,and I nearly cried out as the pain seemingly coalesced on a point very near my hand and erupted again. The mark was growing.  
  
Varric at first had a look of bewilderment on his face, but after the green energy manifested itself he changed it to smug satisfaction.  
  
"So, you're like our dear Inquisitor! Congratulations!"  
  
However, his brow furrowed and his face darkened. It was obvious he was doing some heavy thinking.  
  
Finally, he looked up, his expression changing again into a mask which resembled pity  
  
"So, the thing in our Inquisitor's hand stopped growing after sealing the Breach, but yours hasn't. That means that the Breach must be closed or something in order for it to stop growing. Which is going to take time, what with Corypheus and whatnot."  
  
He visibly sighed, and could only manage a small "I'm sorry, Ears."  
  
"It's fine. Not like I had lived my whole life here anyway"  
  
He perked up again at the words that offered him a chance to change the topic.  
  
"Oh yeah, about that. Where do you really come from? I mean, you said you were human and from another world? I've seen some crazy shit, but none as crazy as this! Tell me more!"  
  
I realised that for the first few days I would not be able to get anything done without someone asking me stuff first. With a resigned huff, I sat down beside him and told him everything that I was, except for the whole I'm-in-a-videogame part. I was not sure if they were ready for that.

* * *

  
  
The sun was well in the middle of the sky and the sounds of battle were clearly audible when I finally managed to answer all of Varric's questions, and head to the tower where Solas, Dorian, and Leliana worked. Today was the first lesson he had told me we would work on, and he apparently had asked the Inquisitor, or my Inquisitor, to be excused from his duties in order to teach me  
  
I tentatively opened the door, and immediately saw Solas at the far end of the room, reading atop a table. I did not know how to proceed, so I stepped in and said:  
  
"You wanted to see me, Solas?"  
  
He looked up at me from the book he was reading, and calmly said:  
  
"Yes, _da'len_. We shall start your lessons today."  
  
" _Da'len_? That means you're my _hahren_?"  
  
"Your pronunciation is astoundingly bad, but yes, I suppose it could be like that"  
  
"Well then, can you teach me, _hahren_?"  
  
"Yes, but first come closer"  
  
It was at that point where I realised I was still standing very near the doorway. I quickly entered and faced Solas.  
  
" All right. First, I'm going to show you how to call on your magic and control it at your whim" "Raise your hands and put them forward. Now, concentrate on what you are trying to accomplish, and focus. Thinking of the Fade might help."  
  
I did as he said, focusing myself in creating a bunch of flowers atop the table. There was a vague _poof_ , and a single, wilted flower appeared on the floor next to the table  
  
"That will not do. Concentrate harder, and if possible, try doing something easier"  
  
I put my stance up again, and focused, now trying to create only a small sapling. I concentrated, and for a moment, felt myself float out of my body. The moment passed, another small _poof_ sounded and a perfectly formed oak bonsai was flipped on it's side, lying in the table.  
  
"Very good. You're becoming more apt. Continue"  
  
The "classes" continued until mid-evening, and when Solas finally let me go, I was exhausted, and ravenous for something to eat. I was so very tired that I didn't notice something was off until an elf, which had been hanging upside down form the rafters, descended with a screech and I let out a shriek worthy of a little girl. It was the Inquisitor. Why did she always did this to me?  
  
"Hello John! Fine day outside isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, I suppose"  
  
 I hesitated. "Er... You told me to not call you those titles, but then how should I call you?"  
  
She smirked, but something else appeared in her eyes for a brief moment, until she said "Oh, just call me Lavellan"  
  
She then resumed her talking at vertiginous speed, a torrent of words I only half heard before the next ones formed in her mouth  
  
"It's very nice to see you. I suppose you are also looking for something to eat. All of the people I meet seem determined to give me something to eat, I could share. John, John... It's too much of a _shem_ name don't you think? Would you like me to make you a honorary member of clan Lavellan? I'll even tell the Keeper!"  
  
"What?!" I blurted. I had understood about one word in every ten she had said and then processed even less  
  
"Oh, it's fine if you want to keep your name, I was just suggesting"  
  
"No, no, no. I mean, I didn't understand a single word you said"  
  
She repeated them more slowly, and I now understood. I pondered the idea for a while, but finally said "yes".  
  
"Good! I'll send a letter to the Keeper right away. See you at lunch, _falon_."  
  
She was just about to turn to go to her quarters when someone bumped into her, sending her body flying straight to me. I tried to catch her before she fell, but she still ended up colliding face to face with me. With her lips. On mine. _We had just kissed_


	5. Shame and Sentiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John thinks about the implications of what has happened and asks Sera to train him in archery

Dorian's voice could be heard in the background, offering profuse apologies to his 'carelessness' and clumsiness. As Lavellan went flying towards me, I couldn't help but agree.  
  
 _Our lips had touched._  
  
As soon as it happened, we both recoiled in fear and shame, both turned to look at Dorian, who immediately stuttered and backed down. He did not stay for much longer.  
  
Lavellan's previous happiness had gone, replaced with guilt that was obvious in her expression. She too, also said "Well, I'm going to send a letter to the Keeper. Let's see what we can do. See you John"  
  
And with that, she was gone too, leaving me alone in the middle of the hallway to sort my feelings out and go eat, not that I had much appetite after this. I turned towards the Great Hall (again...) and started to head towards it, my inner emotions conflicted  
  
 _I mean, she's attractive, yeah; But, am I up to the "station" of the Inquisitor? More importantly, does she even like_ _me? Do I even like her? Ugh..._  
  
The kiss had just complicated everything.  
  
I had finally reached the Main Hall, and went to sit on the nearest table I found that had food on it. Practically the moment I sat down, very non-private whispers started reaching my now rather pointy ears.  
  
 _How. How did rumors travel so fast as to beat me, standing literally next to the door of the Great Hall?_  
  
"Did you hear what happened between him and the Inquisitor"  
  
"Oh... The gall!"  
  
"She will surely say no to him. No?"  
  
"I mean they are both knife-ears, so I suppose the rabbit mates with the rabbit"   
  
That did it. I could not eat in peace with this sort of whispers going around. I did not need to fight him, though.  
  
I stood up from my chair and headed  to Josephine's office. I opened the door, and saw the Ambassador's gaze briefly rest upon me for a few moments until she shyly averted it. Rumors spread very fast here, I thought.  
  
"Is there something you needed, Josh?" The coldness on her voice was evident, even from the other side of the room.  
  
"Yes, actually. People all around Skyhold think I'm in a relationship with the Inquisitor, and there are some people making some very racist slurs. I'm here to tell you It was just an accident, and Dorian's fault, and that nothing is between us."  
  
At these words, Josephine perked up considerably, no longer averting my gaze. She could try to apologise, I already know what our diplomat makes of us.  
  
"I... I understand. I will search for those who are spreading rumors and see to it that they stop these accusations or they leave Skyhold. Thank you for the information, John"   
  
One had to give her credit for such a good recovery. _Damn_.  
  
I was content with it, if that meant that I would no longer have to hear the Inquisitor being insulted when she was not present.  
  
 _Oh god. I'm doing this for her, not for me. Does that mean I like her? I subconsciously try to protect her?_  
  
 _Goddammit! Why did the kiss have to happen? Now I don't know what is real and what is not, and what my brain wants to yhink and what I really think._  
  
I silently promised myself to kill Dorian whenever I had the smallest window of opportunity.   
  
I returned to the spot I had left minutes before and resumed eating, still hearing the obnoxious whispers which had escalated in such a way that they were now even questioning the legitimacy of the Inquisition and my parentage. I ignored all of this and finished my meal, got up, and started to head to the tavern, trying to look for either Cole or Sera to maybe chat for a while or to make them show me how to use a bow or daggers as Solas had recommended to me as I apparently couldn't use offensive magic.  
  
As I was nearing the cobblestone-lined entrance to the Herald's Rest, several things happened at once.   
  
First, I saw what seemed as a pointy-eared blur scale the outer part of Skyhold's main hall, and the next, an arrow landed with a soft "Thump" very near Scout Harding, who recoiled in shock and landed in the grass-less soil of Skyhold with a slightly woozy expression on her face. She got up, saw me, and waved her hand.  
  
"Oh, It's just the Inquisitor making pranks. Nothing out of the ordinary"  
  
I shrugged and opened the door to the tavern. I was immediately assaulted by a flurry of odors and sounds, the din making even the Iron Bull's voice sound muffled. I pointedly ignored the various whispers and sidelong glances following me, and got up the stairs, searching desperately for Sera in order to make any excuse to get out of the place, that I was quickly starting to hate.  
  
I found her lounged between countless satin pillows, reading a book I recognised as a copy of Swords and Shields, the romantic novel Cassandra seemed to be so addicted to. She looked up from the book for a brief moment, enough to notice me.  
  
"'Sup Elfy?"  
  
"I am, or was, a human, Sera"  
  
"Yeah, whatevs'. You've got those weird ears now. You're elfy"  
  
"Ok. Fine. Now, Sera, do you think you can show me how to use a bow?"  
  
"But weren't you a weird magey tool guy?"  
  
"Yeah, but apparently I can't use my magic as a weapon. I'm physically unable"  
  
At these words, Sera stared at me with an expression of disbelief, but she promptly fell on the floor and started laughing uncontrollably, muttering something about "Wait till' I tell Vivvy this". She eventually calmed down a little bit, and told me.  
  
"Yeah, I can. Lookit, let's go out to practice for a bit right now, to show you the basics and shit"  
  
"Fine. Let's go? Please?"  
  
"Yeah, I think that bardy girl is chatting me up. Let's scram"  
  
And so a few minutes later I was on the practice area near to where Cassandra was swinging her sword "Like a proper tool", with Sera holding my hands and telling me not very helpful counsel.  
  
"It just does,'kay? You just hold it up, move it a little bit higher than where you want it, and bam! Done."  
  
Fortunately we appeared to have attracted the attention of Cullen, who was currently making his way down the long stairs leading from his office.  
  
I stalled the "Training" until he arrived and started giving me much more comprehensible counsel, and at the end of the evening I was exhausted yet again and with my hand joints starting to bleed, but I had now managed to hit very near the center of the target more times than not.  
  
The moon was starting to rise as I made my way back my room atop the barracks. Of course, waiting there was the person I least wanted to see at the moment. The Inquisitor. She had a downcast gaze, and had apparently been waiting here a long time, if her shivering was anything to go by. She only said a few choice words before slipping into the shadows again.  
  
"Just to tell you that I have already sent the letter to my Keeper. Thought you would like to know"  
  
"Thank you, Lavellan. I...I apologise for what happened today. It was just a mistake, I assure you"  
  
At the mention of the "incident", her ears visibly drooped.  
  
"Don't worry. It was just an accident" At that point, however, her eyes regained that inner fire that was characteristic of them, and with a brighter and more mischievious tone in her voice she said "Or was it?"  
  
She promptly walked away, leaving me even more confused with my feelings than before as I entered my room for the night.  
  
 _Gods, Or creators, or the Maker, or whatever. When will this end? Will I be able to return to my world? It isn't as if I don't like it here, but I need to find out what really happened and try to go back._  
  
 _But do you really want to go back?_ Another voice chimed in. _Isn't it better here? Is this not what you have wanted for as long as you had been playing the game?_  
  
Amidst the onslaught of thoughts, I fell into a fretful and fitful sleep.


	6. A new day; A new Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An adventure beckons...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double Whammy!
> 
> I know I said I wouldn't be available but I DID end up writing a pretty big chapter in my spare time, and so I divided into two to upload the same day...
> 
> Now it's for real, you won't be seeing me until December 7th
> 
> Please, If you read this, send feedback! It's almost the most important thing, no?

The next day, I was rudely awakened by some rather strong-sounding knocks on my door. I groggily woke up, remembering in the process some tiny scraps of information about my dream that night. Strangely enough, I couldn't seem to recall anything about it, except for one thing: a lone white wolf, with a crazy amount of eyes. Hmm...  
  
I must confess, I took quite a long time changing myself into something appropriate, which in this world was apparently a rather form-fitting pair of trousers which I could only imagine were made with some kind of not very fine cloth. They itched like crap...  
I could have been more comfortable with clothing from my world, but the rift that had transported me here opened at some time in the middle of the night, which meant I had arrived at Thedas in only my pajamas.   
  
Oh, the embarrassment I suffered when I went to Threnn and asked her for some decent clothing, which had arrived later that day in the form of a bundle of clothes which probably could have lasted me the whole week. The clothing was not very suited for work, actually, but I supposed that staying at Skyhold improving my learning could not be counted as a strenuous amount of hard work. At least everything fitted.  
  
The knocking at my door had become louder and more insistent now, and now dressed, I hurried over to that side of the room and opened the door, only to find a very miffed-looking scout who looked in the verge of collapsing due to shivers, holding something suspiciously thin and rectangular in his outstretched hand. "Letter from the Spymaster, ser"  
  
I was immediately filled with pity for the poor guy. All the time I was merrily changing myself he was out there, doing his job, and likely freezing to death in the process. And yet, there was no expression in my face or body that was outwardly visible. I returned only a polite nod, and he hurried away from my door.  
  
I promptly closed the door and returned to possibly the only warm space left in my room ( _daamn you cold aaiir!_ ), which was my bed. Once there, I carefully proceeded to destroy the seal and everything else standing in the way to the message. Once I was finally able to unfold the note, I proceeded to read it as fast as I could.  
  
Good news was that the spymaster had done some "research" and in the week since I arrived had sent word to every agent under her command to check for anything that could refute my "story" of me being from another world, and had found nothing.  
Bad news was that exactly because she had found out nothing about me or my past, she had given the Inquisitor the all-clear so that I could accompany her in any adventures she might encounter. And the first one was today. At sundown.  
  
 I was to accompany the Inquisitor, Solas, Sera, and Blackwall into an expedition to the Emerald Graves to contact someone named Fairbanks (which I already knew was of noble blood) and to speak with a Dalish Clan which had recently moved from it's normal position in the Exalted Plains and moved into an area free of undead. I wondered if they were the same clan which would give the Inquisitor missions for her to be able to trade with them and recruit Loranil.  
  
Why me? I had literally been training with Solas and Sera for one day, and although I could cast an acceptable barrier and shoot my target in the center most of the time, I was not able to contribute anything the other companions couldn't have done themselves. I wondered if there was any reason for my being there which did not involve fighting. Nope.  
  
Ah well, at least I could still have the lessons with Solas on the morning. I tossed the letter and it's contents to the side of the bed, and quickly grabbed a coat to get to breakfast without freezing to death, something that had seemed very likely in the messenger's case. I made my way down the stairs, as was now becoming routine, and went off to the Main Hall to find something to eat.  
  
As I entered through one of the smaller doors leading into the Great Hall, I was quickly accosted by Vivienne, the only member of Lavellan's inner circle which had wanted nothing to do with me the day we'd met. Of course, judging by the way she treated Cole, it was only to be expected.  
  
"So, who told you. Sera or Solas?" I asked, my patience for this woman basically non-existent.  
  
"It was both of them, actually. He told me that you were a mage, but Sera told me you could only use spirit magic and nothing more". I could have been paying more attention to her words were it not for the fact that she was probing every part of my body with her magic as she spoke, making me feel extremely vulnerable.  
  
"I can feel that, you know" I answered, my temper starting to rise.  
  
"I would be very confused if you didn't, darling"  
  
"You still don't like me, do you? Just like with Cole..."  
  
"My dear, if you are thinking that I'm afraid of you becoming a demon or an abomination, do not worry. I still find your whole "I'm from another world" story highly unlikely, however."  
  
"Well, It's the truth. And now, Madame Vivienne, if you could please step aside. I have a breakfast to attend to."  
  
"As you wish, my dear" Her icy demeanor did not change, although I swore I felt a particularly sharp prod of mana as I stepped forward into the Main Hall, where I found Dorian in a corner, alone. How very unlike him  
  
As I stepped closer, I noticed he appeared to be crying. Yep, definitely unlike him.  
  
"Dorian! Pleasure seeing you here! I thought you had servants to bring your food to you all the time"  
  
He looked at me and smiled weakly, wiping his tears on his sleeve.  
  
"Good day, John. It's nice being here for a change. How did you sleep"  
  
"Better than you, by your looks"  
  
"That is true." he conceded, and then motioned to my left, towards an empty chair, pushing a bowl of porridge. "Come, sit with me"  
  
As soon as I sat and started eating, he launched into a monologue.  
  
"You know, my father condemned blood magic. 'The crutch of the weak', he preached. Until I didn't end up as he wanted. That's why I ran away from home"  
  
"But why did he try to change you? What was wrong?" I wondered out loud  
  
"Because I preferred the company of men, and didn't want to end up in a miserable wedding with someone I would neither love nor respect"  
  
Oh god, the conversation had become _so_ much more awkward.  
  
"The Inquisitor and I recently went to the Hinterlands, to meet with a supposed 'Family retainer'. He wound up being my father. He reminded me of all the things I hate about Tevinter. That's why I went and fetched my own breakfast today"  
  
"I'm sorry, Dorian"  
  
"Don't be. It isn't anyone's fault. Except his, I suppose"  
  
He glanced down at my bowl of empty porridge. "I have kept you long enough. Now go do whatever it is that you do during the day"  
  
I nodded and entered a door to my left, the one that lead to the tower and rookery. One of the first things I learned after entering Thedas was how much Sera loved to prank. And this doorway was always the most booby-trapped. Maybe she didn't like Dorian...  
Sure enough, I pushed the door a little bit and then raced to the other side of the doorway, and heard a bucket falling to the floor with a healthy amount of water flowing out of it. _Phew_.  
  
I stepped over the broken remains of the bucket and winced as I saw the hallway made an aquatic disaster. Oh well.  
  
I entered the tower at the library floor and slowly made my way down to Solas' level, where he was sitting cross-legged on the floor while reading a book. Why does he have amazing furniture if he isn't going to use it?  
  
"Good morning, _Da'len_. Sleep well?"  
  
"Yes, _Hahren."_  
  
"I was wondering yesterday about a matter and hoped you'd let me clarify it. Can you?"  
  
"If it has to do with me, probably yes, _hahren_ "  
  
"How come you know _elvhen_? As far as we know, you suddenly appeared from a rift wearing a body that was not your own, but a language that that body probably spoke"  
  
I knew that my speaking _elvhen_ would raise doubts. I was forced to tell the (almost truth now).  
  
"Well, in my world we have... stories about you and this place. Also about the Champion and the Hero of Ferelden. We have created a kind of "book" which tells us the few elvhen words that we know in our stories."  
  
If Solas looked surprised, he didn't show it.  
  
"Very well." His expression lit up (a little, it's Solas we're talking about) and then asked me "Would you let me apply you an examination?"  
  
"Examination? In what?"  
  
"In _elvhen_ proficiency, of course"  
  
Now it was my turn to be surprised.  
  
"Sure... But what if I fail, or something?"  
  
He let out a small chuckle, and told me "Well then, you'll just have to learn."


	7. Chantry Secrets, Weapons and grades. Not in that order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gets a grade. And a choice. And a talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double Whammy!
> 
> I know I said I wouldn't be available but I DID end up writing a pretty big chapter in my spare time, and so I divided into two to upload the same day...
> 
> Now it's for real, you won't be seeing me until December 7th
> 
> Please, If you read this, send feedback! It's almost the most important thing, no?

_**Several Hours Later:** _

I felt as if I had finished a final exam in my High School. Exactly like it, from the waiting for grades to the stress in-exam  
  
I was sure I had mistaken _halani_ for "glory and _dirth_ for "secrets". Basic. Also, I was pretty sure _ma nuvenin, hahren_ was wrong. somewhere  
  
"And here I was hoping that this world was nothing like mine" I said to no one in particular, sitting in the garden.  
  
There were still times I thought this was all a dream, that I would wake up in my bed in Earth, with a particularly funny experience of me being an elf and a mage, of all things. Not that I was really annoyed. I had always liked elves, even learning the Dragon Age language. Which led me to the video-games. How had David Gaider thought up all of this? had he dreamed about it or had he come to this world, just as me? Had he, just by imagining it, created a world parallel to our own?  
  
My inner thoughts were interrupted by a dark-skinned Chantry priest purposefully making her stride towards me. Mother Giselle.  
  
"Good day. My name is Mother Giselle, and I'm here representing the Chantry. What is your name?"  
  
 _Aha. So she wasn't privy to the secrets of the Inner Circle, after all..._ I decided to go with the "Chantry-hating Dalish elf" approach  
  
"My name is John, priest. And no, I will not convert to the Maker, if that is your wish"  
  
 _Shit. Too far._  
  
"Alas, that is not what I seek, John. I was just checking if you needed something. you seemed distraught"  
  
"I...I apologise, Mother. I am pensive, but nothing to worry about"  
  
"I am glad to hear it. And do tell, how does a dalish elf end up in Skyhold?. Wait." Her expression furrowed. "John does not sound as an elven name"  
  
I sighed. I hated explaining my story to everyone, most of which did not believe me. I knew I needed to water it down to manageable bits  
  
"It is not, Mother. I was originally a human, my name given by my family. Then something happened, and I fell out of a rift, my body changed. Not that I mind , anyway. I never really liked my human form."  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that. If you happen to need something, you know where to find me. Although I doubt as to which gods do you follow"  
  
"Thank you, Mother. And to answer your question, I actually believe in the Creators, as I have found proof of their existence"  
  
"As you wish" She said, and did a small curtsy before moving along the garden, away from where I sat.  
  
I saw Solas get out of his tower and into the garden, evidently looking for someone. I got out of the place I sat in the floor of the garden, and started walking towards him.  
  
He saw me and flashed a brief grin, before regaining his composure and handing me my "exam", with some sort of written mark on the top of it. written elvish. _Of course._  
  
"I can't read the grade, _hahren_ "  
  
"You did well, for one who has probably never heard spoken elvish before" _Sly Solas..._  
  
"However, there are many things you still lack. If you'd like, I could offer you elvish lessons at the same time that your Inquisition magic lessons, _da'len_ "  
  
"Would you really?" a hint of excitement probably obvious.  
  
"Yes, I would." He glanced at the sky, where the sun was starting it's slow decline. "Although not today. If I'm not mistaken, you need to pack for a certain journey to the Emerald Graves. _Of course I had forgotten about it._  
  
I huffed resignedly, and started making my way back to my quarters, half of Skyhold away. The game never seemed to portray Skyhold that big, though.  
  
I was so tripped over my own thoughts, again, that I almost missed the messenger who had been following, trying to catch up to me.  
  
"Ser! The Inquisitor requests your presence at the Undercroft, ser!"  
  
Of course I was. _Again_.  
  
I immediately reversed my walk and started to head towards the Great Hall. Again. Creators, I was repeating everything, wasn't I.  
  
Long story short, I arrived to the Undercroft, only to find Andarine talking rather heatedly with Dagna and Harritt. Something I couldn't quite make out was in the forge behind them  
  
Apparently, the door closing was enough to startle everyone in the room, including me, as they turned around.  
  
Lavellan was the first to speak "You're here! There was something I... We, wanted to show you. Come." She motioned towards her with her hands.  
  
As I stepped closer, I could distinguish the form of a staff and a bow lying in the forge table. Andarine grabbed the bow first, and held it up to the light. It was beautiful. It's main limb was made of a lightly cream-colored metal in the form of scales, and there was a slight white glow coming out of it. Lavellan looked at me look at the bow in (what I assumed was dumbstruck awe), and then held up the staff.  
  
It was not as beautiful as the bow, but I felt it thrumming with power, gnarled twisted thick wood holding up a crystal foci in the shape of a Sapling.  
  
And now I understood it. They were giving me a choice. I could be the mage-healer who could not defend himself or I could be an archer with an ability to heal people, only not that often because of the lack of a staff.  
  
I didn't need to hear Andarine's voice: I already knew what she was saying.  
  
I chose the bow. The fact that I had magic wasn't really important to me. I couldn't stay in the back when other people risked her life. And I could also do healing magic.  
  
Lavellan handed me the bow, while I was (probably) standing there grinning happily. Staring. Did I detect a little bit of disappointment in her face? Maybe I was just imagining it.  
  
I bowed. "Thank you, Inquisitor"  
  
"You're welcome, Josh. Just... take care of yourself, and don't forget to pack"  
  
"I won't."  
  
I spent most of my remaining time in Skyhold shooting targets from farther and farther away. I quickly realized was almost shooting at the edge of the ledge (huh...) overlooking the infirmary. It _really_ was time to pack now...  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Fade to Black (heh...)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entirely Fadey this. So much fade that it was the most used word in this chapter (pinky swear)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so small but it's just an interlude to get out of my writers block and on to more exciting things, and to break the extended hiatus this has been in. I literally couldn't stop thinking about this in my exams...
> 
> Anyway I hope it's a shorty but goody.
> 
> In other news, disregard the notes at the bottom. Me is dum-dum and no know how to remove. plz help.

I dreamed about the life I had left back on Earth. I remember that I was cycling through Stanley Park at one moment and then sailing up the Loire the next. However, it all seemed like it was happening a long way away, and the only moment I could get near enough to see me and my family, I realised something was wrong.  
  
Every member of my family, my father, mother, and sister had their face blurred out, with their only recognisable trait being ears that tapered to behind their heads. Elf ears. They were definitely not like that before.  
  
"Surprising..." I heard a voice behind me say, and I jumped so high that if I wasn't in the Fade I would have hit my head with the ceiling of the boat I was in. As it were, I just phased through the construct of the Fade. I turned my head and glanced backwards. It was Solas. _Our favourite Dreamer_ , I thought, sarcastically  
  
"Are you going to give me lessons in my sleep too, Solas?" I asked.  
  
"No. It would not be convenient." he said simply. "It's just that the way the Fade both parts before you and swirls toward your presence is disconcerting."  
  
"Why? What does it mean?" I asked, confused.  
  
"It means that while you have the capacity to influence the dreaming world around you, it also influences you. I believe that is the reason why these people look the way they look."  
  
"But they are my family from the other world." I replied.  
  
"Can you recall their faces?" he asked, tilting his head slightly to one side  
  
"I-I..." I tried to recall how they looked like, but all trace of them had vanished from my memory. " _I can't!_ " I finally answered.  
  
"Then it is as I feared" his face betraying no emotion. "Every time you enter the fade you anchor yourself more in this world, and in doing so, lose the memories of your past self."  
  
"So you're telling me that I have a mark on my hand that will eventually kill me and a connection to the Fade that will make me forget myself?" I asked, voice tinted with anger and frustration.  
  
"Not 'Forget yourself' exactly." he said. "You will just become unable to remember many details from your world. You will still remember who you are, were, and where you came from"  
  
"Oh wow because I'm sure that's a huge relief."  
  
"It is not." he conceded "I simply believed you would be less concerned knowing it"  
  
"Yes, because it's amazing to be in a world you've wanted to be in a long time and then suddenly find yourself with a timed almost-assured death sentence, while also losing your memories and also becoming an elf and a mage, things completely alien to me. Very comforting indeed" I replied, full sarcasm mode kicking in.  
  
"Calm. Down" Solas hissed. "You are attracting every single demon in the vicinity. Stop."  
  
"I... _ARGH_!"  
  
"Calm down, John."  
  
"I am now."  
  
"Good." he simply replied.  
  
I looked around the picturesque landscape the Fade had created for me, trying to find a distraction to steer our conversation away.  
  
_What we were talking about the first day I arrived here. Of course._  
  
"So, Solas, I've been meaning to tell you that I will come with you when you leave the Inquisition."  
  
"No." he said, authority barely concealed. " I will not cause you suffering, and I do not wish your departure to cause suffering to others. You of all people must know I walk the..."  
  
" _Din'anshiral_ , yeah, yeah." I waved my hand, dismissively. "But Solas, I have nowhere left to go! I do not know why or how I arrived here, I have no friends besides possibly Varric, Vivienne hates me, Lavellan pranks me and Leliana does not trust me. I will work to find a way so that everyone survives!"  
  
"Your accent is still terrible" he chuckled but quickly sobered. "but everything you said can be done working with the Inquisition, and with it you can also determine your purpose here."  
  
"But..."  
  
"No buts." He looked at my face, and visibly capitulated. "We'll address it when the time comes. If it comes at all. If you wish, at that point, you may join me."  
  
"Fine." I said. "Oh, and Solas?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Your orb doesn't survive the final battle. Pray that this time it does"

However, before I could say anything, I felt my hand on fire again. Thankfully, the mark was expanding at a very slow pace, but it had invaded part of another finger now. _Shit_...

At the same time, I heard something snap forcefully. I glanced at Solas but he was as confused as I, if his expression was anything to go by.

I woke up with a start.

 


	9. Tel'Falon and the Harts of doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The excursion to the Emerald Graves has a rough start (if you know what I mean)

I woke up, almost bolting out of the bed in my confusion. Once I had calmed down, however, I heard a very loud rapping noise at my door.  
  
"The Inquisitor is asking for your presence in the Main Hall, John. Fully armoured." said a voice I recognised as Dorian's.  
  
"Is it because I'm so fabulous and she can't live without me?" I answered back.  
  
"I don't know. She only told me that and I'm afraid I can't think clearly before noon." he rebounded  
  
"Oh, but Dorian, who's going to rub your footsies if you don't wake up before noon?"   
  
"My footsies are fine, thank you. Now, hurry off before she gets angry."  
  
"Worry not, Dorian." I said.  
  
I immediately rolled out of my bed and went to the tiny walk-in closet where I stored all my clothes. I chose  tanned leather leggings, a very bendy under-armor hailing from the Dalish, given to me by Sera because some Jennies had given it to her and I was the only 'elfy elf' she really liked, some etched leather vambraces, high-cut boots, and finally my bow, the gift from Dagna and the Inquisitor.  
  
I probably could not have made a better cosplay if I was trying. _Damn_...  
  
The first thing I noticed upon exiting my room was that the group Lavellan had chosen to depart to the Emerald Graves was already saddled and waiting, their horses restless as they paced in the grass before the raised portcullis. Dorian, you are a liar.  
  
I broke into a run, my bow and quiver clanking beside me, jumping over the various sets of stairs separating me from them. As I arrived breathless to the meeting point, I saw Lavellan smirking, her lopsided grin stretching the markings of the vallaslin dedicated to Mythal she wore proudly in her face.  
  
"What?" I panted.  
  
"It appears you were not the only one who oversleep" she said, still smiling.  
  
"Who... Dorian?"  
  
"Yes. You were supposed to meet us at breakfast about an hour ago"   
  
"Ugh... Dread Wolf take him"  
  
If she seemed surprised at all about my comment, she didn't show it.  
  
"Come, John, I have to show you your hart." she said.  
  
"My hart?"  
  
"Yes, yours. Is there a problem?"  
  
"I have never ridden a hart before" I confessed, cheeks and ears flaring red and pink.  
  
"Ahh..." She said, comprehension dawning on her. "I forgot that you... Oh."  
  
"But don't worry! It's fine! She's a very calm hart, so you just need to lightly tug to where you need to go and she'll take you there. If you need to stop, pull on the reins, and if you need to go faster just whip them."  
  
"Right..." I was not entirely convinced  
  
"Trust me, it's fine! Now, legs on the stirrup, and push"  
  
I did as I was told and soon enough I found myself at the back of the proud animal. We set out not much later after that.  
  
\----  
  
"Tell me, John" she said, breaking the dreary silence that had taken over our group, just after the afternoon was starting to show. "Which gods do you believe in?"  
  
"Uh...Why?" I asked back  
  
"Because I heard you swearing to Fen'Harel earlier, and I want to know if it's a mannerism or something else"  
  
I heard a cough from Solas in the distance  
  
"Well, I never really believed in the god of my world, but I know of at least two elven gods, and know their influence and actions, but I never thought they were real until I came to this world" I said, but when I glanced at Lavellan, she was staring at me, mouth agape in disbelief  
  
"You are saying that at least some of the elven gods exist? Do you realise the implications this could have?"  
  
"Yes, but before you go spreading the word, let me explain. I have seen Mythal, or at least her spirit inhabiting another. That means she was not with the rest of the Pantheon when they were imprisoned. I have also seen evidence of Fen'Harel's work, although I have not seen him directly. As for the rest, I have no idea"  
  
Solas' coughing was getting worse.  
  
"Are you ill, Solas?" she said in a tone that revealed she saw right through him. "Shall I send for medicine?"  
  
"I will manage, Inquisitor. I always do" he answered  
  
She then turned back to me.  
  
"Are you saying that the Dread Wolf really exists? The Great Deceiver?"  
  
"Yes, but apparently not how Dalish legends portray him. From what I have seen and gathered, the fact that he sealed the gods and Forgotten Ones in the Fade was more of an act of desperation than a trickery. The why, I don't know yet"  
  
"Well, that's something to tell to my Keeper when I can." Her face turned serious again. "But thank you, John, for reassuring my faith"  
  
"My pleasure"   
  
I almost let go of my reins to do a grandstandy bow, but I was interrupted in the nick of time by Solas.  
  
"John. A word, if I may?"  
  
"Sure! Is there anything I can help you with?" I said, while spurning my hart towards him  
  
"Surely you realise that giving her false hopes about her gods will amount to nothing, in the end" he whispered  
  
"Yes, but I'm telling her what I know without implicating you! I fail to see how that's an issue!"  
  
"What I am saying is that she could be disillusioned at any moment when she sees the acts that some of her gods committed"  
  
"And that's why I only told her about the ones who knew"  
  
"That you did. So, Mythal? have you met her?"  
  
"I have. Do you know Flemeth, the _asha'bellanar_?"  
  
"I have heard tale of her accomplishments, although I cannot state I have met her in person, however"  
  
"Well, to put her on her own words, she has carried Mythal through the ages and..."  
  
At that moment, I felt my throat constrict, and even though I tried, I couldn't finish my sentence  
  
"And..." Solas continued.  
  
"I can't say it" I answered, very confused  
  
"Is it a matter of morals? What is it?" he asked  
  
"I mean it is physically impossible for me to say it" I said.  
  
"What do you mean? Do you feel anything different from ordinary?" Solas said, his mask not slipping  
  
At that point, however, I felt something that could only be qualified as a small explosion in my brain. After it was finished, I could recall having a conversation with Solas but I didn't remember the exact topic.  
  
"I felt fine until I tried to say whatever I was trying to say." I said, after looking at Solas, who seemed as if he awaited a response.  
  
His face twisted into one of mild puzzlement, and his hand began to glow. He made a sweeping motion from one side of my head to another, and then his expression twisted into one of confusion.  
  
"I cannot feel if you are under a compulsion. It seems likely, but I could not detect it" he said.  
  
"What is a compulsion?" I asked  
  
"A geas"  
  
"Oh. That would not have been good"  
  
"Clearly"  
  
At that point, however, what I felt in my dream started, when the mark in my fortunately only one finger began to expand, just as I saw in my dream. The pain was as if a thousand needles on fire were slamming into only one finger, until I felt it grow. Then it was the same, but with two fingers. I gritted my teeth. I couldn't let them see me like this.  
  
"Are you all right?" Solas said. That's that for staying incognito.  
  
"Yes...Agh... It's just the mark" I grunted in between clenched teeth.  
  
It flared again, brighter and more painful than before, and I fell from the hart and tumbled across the floor, skid mark after skid mark collecting as I attempted to make heads or tails of the situation.  
  
I could have sworn the good-natured and docile hart bucked me off her. _Tel'falon_ was her new name, I decided.  
  
Lavellan turned to look at me, and she started laughing. Not chuckles or snorts, but full-flown infectious laughter. It took a while before she calmed down.  
  
"I guess this is as good a place as any to camp" she said.  
  
I couldn't agree more.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven Translations:
> 
> Asha'Bellanar = Woman of Many Years (lit. Eternal woman). How the Dalish refer to Flemeth
> 
> Tel'Falon = Not my friend/Not a friend.


	10. The Plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter so that I can leave it at a certain point in order to implement a change I have been wanting to do with my writing!

_A transcript of a letter sent by Inquisitor Lavellan to her clan and their response, regarding the mysterious elf who joined the Inquisition under mysterious circumstances. I hope this sheds more light on the matter, Samson._  
  
 _-C_  
  
 _Keeper Deshanna:_  
  
 _I apologise for not having been able to communicate until recently. I fear that several circumstances have conspired to trap me in the problems of the shemlen. Firstly, I obtained a strange arcane 'mark' after touching an ancient elven orb to prevent the death of someone the shem religion holds dear._  
  
 _Using that, I also closed the breach in the sky, event that you probably witnessed. Not long after, however, we were confronted by the one who created the Breach: An ancient Tevinter Darkspawn magister. We were forced to flee and arrived to a castle called Tarasyl'an Telas, where I am leading the shems' recovery efforts._  
  
 _I trust all is well? I hope the clan hasn't starved to death because of the lack of my presence. What ever would you do without me? How is Elgar?_  
  
 _Now, the main purpose of this letter, is to ask you a favour. I know we didn't part on the best of terms, but I have encountered something related to our people. Recently, I encountered a Dalish elf who fell out of a rift from the Beyond, like what happened to me. He has no memories of before the incident, and no Clan to make any claim to him._  
  
 _He is a talented magic user, especially in Spirit magic, and if my memory recalls correctly, you lack a First to succeed you. I believe that it would be in your and my best interest to allow him at least to be part of clan Lavellan. In the meantime, he will partake in the efforts for the Inquisition to restore order._  
  
 _Ma serannas, Hahren._  
  
 _-Andarine of Clan Lavellan, Inquisitor of the shemlen._  
  
  
 _Da'len,_  
  
 _I would not trouble you normally. You have enough on your shoulders, fighting ancient Tevinter magisters while representing your people. Unfortunately, the rifts that plague this land have spread chaos and fear along with them, and many seek to take advantage of it._  
  
 _Bandits are attacking Clan Lavellan. The raiders are well armed and heavily armored, and they come in numbers our hunters cannot match. We had settled in a small unclaimed valley not far from Wycome, a safe place with few rifts—but these bandits may force us to seek a new home. If your Inquisition can help, you might save our clan much hardship._  
  
 _Regarding the matter of the Dalish you told me about in your previous letter, I believe he would be a great help to us. However, circumstances have been harsh recently, and I must stay to deal with this problem, at least for the time being. I have, however, sent a manual on Keeper magic to you, separately, and I would be happy to accept him as a member of our clan._  
  
 _As for your other concerns, Elgar has been sick and bedridden since the Breach first appeared in the sky. He keeps rambling to himself and his presence in the Fade is tenuous, but I pray to the Creators for his recovery._  
  
 _Dareth shiral,_  
 _Keeper Deshanna_  
  
"Elder One. We have found little about the elf who fell from the rift, but at least we know that his circumstances are similar to the other. By all accounts, he does not remember his past and ignores his potential, including the mark of magic which is very similar to the one she has." Samson paused and cleared his throat before continuing. "He, along with members of her Inner Circle, have started an expedition into the Emerald Graves. What would you have us do, Elder One?"  
  
A deep, guttural voice boomed from the farthest recesses of the cave, Red Lyrium flaring at the sound.  
  
"You will bring the rattus to me. Alive. He knows not the power he wields, and he does not understand his purpose. He will understand his place soon enough"  
  
"Yes, sir" Samson replied, and motioned to a small group of Red Templar Shadows who had been waiting for him, giving one of them a small compact map, with several crosses.  
  
"Check on their movements at all times. If there is any point in which he is alone, take him. I will not tolerate failure. Understood?"  
  
They nodded.  
  
Samson slapped one of them in what passed as his shoulder, and his voice immediately warmed, reflecting pride akin to a mother hen's  
  
"You are doing a damn good job. The Chantry never knew what it was throwing away!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I find myself unable to give in excruciating detail everything as I had hoped, and so in order to not abandon this story, I'm going to turn this fic into small "glimpses" inside John's life in Thedas, which will make most of the chapters heavy with plot. I know that no one is reading this story and that makes me a little sad because I don't know if it's because of my bad writing or something else, nbut this fic was originally for me, and if anyone reads it, it's a blessing.
> 
> Anyhow, Thank you to the 150 people who saw this story.


	11. Corruption: Hijacking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets mindfucked by Corypheus, and his road to the red starts.
> 
> TRIGGERS: Mild Blood and Gore

It all happens so fast that I have no time to process what happened before it happens.   
  
I am washing my face in the stream, letting the cool waters flow and wash away the grime and dirt of battle, along with stray glistening crystals of red lyrium that stuck to my skin as if it were glue. I am not far from camp, but I am far enough to have at least some degree of privacy.  
  
I barely hear the rustling in the leaves signaling that something is there, and I do not hear their footsteps. What I do eventually feel is the utter corruption reeking from some point behind me, red lyrium's song calling and drowning my thoughts, as effective as a siren's song.  
  
I whirl around only to find myself face to face with various Red Templar shadows, thin spindly limbs coated with the blighted lyrium. That is all I manage to take in before something hits me in the head and I fall unconscious, darkness rushing through every point in my vision, eventually overwhelming me.  
  
I awaken in a cold, dank and dripping cell, a thin cot in one side of the room alongside a pail, whose functions I probably already now. The only difference between this cell and basically every other cell ever was a red lyrium idol, melded directly into the stone so I couldn't just shatter it as soon as I heard the song, which was starting to resurface. I notice that my armor is unchanged, but obviously my weapons are nowhere to be seen.  
  
I only manage to straighten myself into a sitting position before I hear a door creak and the thud of steel against steel. For a fleeting moment, images of a dashing escape and rescue cross through my mind, although they are cut short as I see the creature that has stepped through the doorway, it who is evil incarnate. It chuckles.  
  
"Well, well. What have we here?" it's voice rumbles, practically dripping with contempt. "Another _rattus_ with yet another mark. It marks you as a thief. An interloper. A gnat, like every one of your sorry species, slaves bowing before the first drop of Tevinter power."  
  
"But you doubtlessly already know me." it monologues. "And I know what you will be, subjected to the will that is Corypheus. You will learn your place."  
  
"No..." I manage to croak out.  
  
It laughs. "As you wish. You will reconsider it, in time, as soon as you learn about the consequences" it says, and holds his hand upwards.  
  
Blinding, searing pain, the likes of which I have never felt before. Thousands of acid-coated knifes utterly wrecking every single nerve ending in my left hand.  
  
I risk a glance at my hand, and I see that the green of my mark has been completely changed into the sickly orange-red that Corypheus' tainted magic has.  
  
"Good." it says, evidently pleased with itself. "You are quite receptive of change, unlike the other rattus. You will learn" he repeats, and then proceeds to insert it's two hands through the gaps in my cell's bars, and before I can think of retreating, he grabs my head.  
  
Another round of white-hot pain starts, and I am being forced to relieve all my memories of Thedas, but I can feel that something's been done to them. Altered, even. I see Andarine shoving me away, the castle servants whispering and snickering, Madame de Fer trying to bind me, evil grin in her eyes, and Solas mocking me incessantly. They were the ones who altered my memories. Corypheus had only unlocked them  
  
How could I have not remembered those details? And then it hit me. Those were definitely not my friends. They were lying to me from the start, planting false memories and using my powers. A small part of my brain lifted up an alarm flag, but it was quickly silenced by the constant flow of red magic pouring into me.  
  
Another wave of memories assailed my brain, these ones involving red lyrium. I saw templars taking the red lyrium and then helping destroyed villages rebuild, caring for their families, and smiling, while the templars who only took the blue lyrium sneered and spit towards passing elves, whipped and punched innocent mages until they couldn't stand.  
  
 _'The red was better than the blue'_ Is the only thought I manage to process in my pain-addled mind.  
  
It laughs, a throaty rasp that booms along the stone walls of my cell, pervading my entire being. "You are understanding now. Your 'friends' abandoned you and hated you, telling you lies. I am the one truth. I will show all who follow me the true way." it said.  
  
No. Corypheus is the one that twists everyone to his advantage. Corypheus is worse than the Inquisition. Right now, the Inquisition is the lesser of the two evils.  
  
It looks at me, and smirks. "But you will understand soon enough. You will understand the true meaning of knife-ear and bow before me." it spins around, gesturing towards the guards, who nod, and left.  
  
One of the two corrupted templars approaches my cell with a tray carrying a small crude wooden bowl, filled halfway with water, and a hard loaf of bread. He shoves the tray towards me, and grunts "Eat."  
  
I strain my neck to reach the tray, manacled hands dragging me back towards the wall. I must paint a pretty picture, helpless like I am, the mark in my left hand almost alive and pulsating with corruption.  
  
As soon as my mouth latches onto a piece of bread, the guard pulls a knife from his boot and grabs my head with considerably more force than Corypheus. I try to squirm and escape but his grip is extremely tight. I see his knife flash twice, and feel my overlarge ears burst. I smell blood.  
  
The red templar laughs, his corruption giving him an odd dual-toned voice. "Did you know that Tevinter Magisters branded their slaves by docking their ears with knives?. Why do you think your filthy kind are called knife-ears?" He spits right beside my food. Only then I realise that I have clenched my jaw in my panic, and I feel strange lumps in my mouth alongside the soggy bread. I spit one out, and it's red.  
  
I pass out on the cold floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a very horrible person!!! And I don't care!! *Ducks behind furniture*
> 
> (Please don't kill me)
> 
> Also, Happy Birthday, me!!


	12. Corruption: Redemption. (well, not really)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens to John after two months of Corypheus branded Custody.
> 
>  
> 
> The hyphens (-------) represent a POV change, from 1st person John to 3rd person Omniscient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back!!!
> 
> Sorry for the slow and irregular updates, but sometimes my 'writing spirit' as I like to call it is not present, and sometimes it is but I am in a place with no Internet, with my chapters all in the cloud (Genius me.)
> 
> In other news, I have a Tumblr now!! Look mom, I did it! I'm with the big boys/girls!!.
> 
> If you want (almost) any prompt answered, here's your chance: http://shemlenlethallan.tumblr.com/

I failed Him. I am not able to create a portal to my world. The red is not enough, and I do not know how to create a way for him to travel.  
  
He will make his displeasure known, as he has done countless other times after other failures. He may leave me without food, water, or red like he did when I didn't become what He wanted, or maybe He will use me for the blood magic He and his Venatori practice, like he does when I disobey him in some way.  
  
A guard comes to my cell, glances at me, and starts to laugh. I must look pathetic, but it is not important if it is what He wishes. I exist only to serve him, as He reminds me every time He deigns to talk to me  
  
"Pathetic _rattus_ , you are always in search for someone better than you so you can serve like the sniveling beast that you are.. That's the only thing you can do. Serve" he says every time I ask him, his sneer curling upwards, as if I disgust him.  
  
And now I have failed him one more time. I will probably be killed if He decides I'm not good enough.  
  
"Please don't kill me, master. I will do anything to serve you." I think, and judging by the way the guard continues to laugh, I also say out loud.  
  
The guard starts talking with his accented voice. "Well, you will have a chance to prove yourself" and opens my cell's door.  
  
"I don't understand" I say, and for once my words mirror my thoughts.  
  
"You're going to the Emprise. The Elder One told us he had plans for you"  
  
_He wasn't going to kill me just yet._  
  
\----------------------------------  
  
The Inquisitor is sitting in the small plush chair that made a set with the desk she had before her. One hand grasps a small Ironbark charm, roughly carved in the shape of an arrow. The other one holds a bottle of Tevinter Red. She sulks, gritting her teeth in a desperate, if futile, effort to not cry.  
  
The Inquisition dispatched dozens of scouts, spies, and soldiers to find John. After one month, Leliana told her to move on and let go. After the second, the three advisors had explained to her that the losses the operation was incurring in were a drain on Inquisition resources, and that they would end the matter there.  
  
She looks at the charm she held, and remembers part of a sentence Cullen had told her long ago. How can you be the same person after that?  
  
How can you be the same person after the one person who can help you, the one who you are starting to love, the one who your clan accepted as one of their own simply vanishes without so much as a word?  
  
She doesn't hear the messenger knock. She only turns when the door opens with a crash against the hard stone. Sera, Iron Bull, Dorian, and a scared messenger are there, concern written on their faces. The messenger only holds a missive in his outstretched hand, shaking as if it was burning him.  
  
She only takes the letter, not wanting them to see the tears in her eyes, the cracks in her perfect leader mask. She is no longer the Inquisitor, just a scared little girl from the Lavellan clan who couldn't do anything as everything was taken from her. Her parents. Her normal life. Her Clan. Her brother. and now him.  
  
Sometimes it seemed as if the only thing holding together the pieces of her fractured soul was her will. Will to live, laugh, be free. Will to keep living even when all seemed lost. She recalled a conversation Varric and Solas had while riding back to Skyhold.  
  
_"And so the fisherman spent the rest of his days alone, looking at the stars, no one beside him" Solas finished his story_  
  
_"The way I see it, in that case, the fisherman is the one who endured" Varric countered._  
  
_"After losing everything he had because of his own foolishness? He became worthy of respect, Child of the Stone?" Solas said, almost laughing at the very notion._  
  
_"Yes. He lost everyone and everything, but still he endured, waking up, fishing, eating, and looking at the stars until he died. He could have chosen to die right there. It would have been easier. But he did not, and he endured. In the end, the world will take everything from you, and you will have only one final choice. Die, or endure."_  
  
_"Perhaps" was the only thing Solas said, but his face scrunched up in concentration._  
  
_She feels like the fisherman in the story. But she remembers Varric and Wisdom's words. **Mala Suledin Nadas.**_  
  
Lavellan opens the letter carefully, gingerly removing the adhesive. It's written on Josephine's hand.  
  
_Inquisitor_  
  
_Leliana informs me that some of our scouts reported watching John, under an 'escort' of Red Templars, head in the direction of Sahrnia. A few days later, the Elfsblood river froze and Red Lyrium veins started to appear. It is her guess that they are forcing him to do something for the Red Templars._  
  
_It would be in both you and the Inquisition's best interests to head towards the region._  
  
_-Josephine_  
  
She looks towards her friends, who are still standing in the doorway, patient as rocks.  
  
"We are heading to the Emprise in the morning. Be there" she says, and almost physically feels the Inquisitor mask slip back on.  
  
\----------------------------------  
  
I looked at the tower I was working on and wiped sweat off my brow. Growing the red was exhausting. But it was what He tasked me to do. And you don't just simply fail Him.  
  
I had been helping grow the red all across the Emprise. It was what He wanted, and I complied. I had met a demon who insisted in being called a 'choice spirit'. He had given me the chance to be free of the red, but I declined. The red was good.  
  
I finished the last strand of the red, which was now clinging to every side of that tower, hanging from the top and encasing it from the bottom, and the mark on my hand, which once sparkled emerald green, flared up, red magic paining me. It now covered most of my left hand, but it didn't pain as much as before.  
  
I ignored it, and continued pouring magic to solidify the growing red. I didn't feel my grasp slipping, or the darkness that threatened to consume me. I only felt tired.  
  
Before I knew it, I was on the floor, consciousness to the winds.  
  
\----------------------------------  
  
There was so MUCH Red Lyrium in the Emprise. One only needed to put three steps outside of the little town of Sahrnia to find traces of it. She knew. She had _counted_.  
  
The villagers and Mistress Poulin were as confused as her as to the cause of the Red Lyrium. They claimed that some Templars had bought her quarry, and that workers started disappearing from the mine and the town. But they couldn't explain why the Lyrium had grown so fast and so wildly. They also had not heard anything about John.  
  
It was only until they reached the Tower of Bone that they found him, his erstwhile brown hair turned completely white, scars criss-crossing every visible part of his body, hollow eyes, exposed ribs, a nicked ear, _knife-ear in thruth_ , Lavellan thought, bitterly, and his mark covering the entirety of his left hand, flaring wildly.  
  
They had healed him to the best of their abilities and carried him to the nearest Inquisition camp, managing to take a lightly-corrupted Red Templar prisoner so he could provide the answer to some of their questions.  
  
When he had woken up, Lavellan shooed The Iron Bull, Sera, and Dorian, and  he had been extremely confused and angry. He had called on his magic, and the Red Lyrium surrounding them would have impaled them if he hadn't been so spent, falling in and out of consciousness. Cassandra clasped mana-draining manacles on him, and they fizzled and sparked while dispersing the mana they absorbed, slowly leeching the foreign energy overpowering him.  
  
When he woke up the second time, he was still confused, but a few seconds later, his face scrunched up in recognition.  
  
"Wha- Whe- Who?" "What happened?" he said, shaking himself out of his stupor.  
  
"John?" she said, quickly hurrying over to where he had just woken up. "We're here. It's fine. You're safe!"  
  
"No, no, no, you don't understand!" he said, despairing. "Corypheus! He... He made me obey him! He probably knows I'm here!"  
  
"No he doesn't" Cassandra butted in, lifting John's hands. "These bracelets cut the connection between him and you"  
  
His sigh of relief was almost audible.  
  
"What did they do to you?" Lavellan says, her voice down by several octaves.  
  
He starts forming a word in his mouth, but then his eyes glaze over and he starts to sob uncontrollably. A few minutes pass until he has calmed down, and some more until he finally answers  
  
"He... used me for blood magic" he says, pointing to his scars. "Then he cut my ear when he found out I had displeased him in some way. He fed me Red Lyrium, but..."  
  
"WHAT?!" both Cassandra and Lavellan exclaim, while he looks even more dejected.  
  
"but it didn't stay. I was resistant for some reason. He also used me as a conductor for one of his spells" he continues, now pointing his hand towards his hair.  
  
He glanced at Lavellan, and her face screamed murder. "He will pay for what he did!"  
  
\----------------------------------  
  
_There is but one Truth. All things are known to our Maker. I couldn't lie like this. This was something I needed to tell, or it would blow up amplified in my face._  
  
"There is one more thing" I say, and her face, traced with Mythal's vallaslin, is paying attention.  
  
"I... I- Corypheus ordered me to create the Lyrium in the Emprise. I caused all this. I'm guilty of everything here." I say, my head bowed low in submission. I crane my neck upwards to look at her, and I'm met with a nicked blade aimed directly at my throat, held by a very furious Seeker.


	13. Author's Note (IMPORTANT)

I'm sorry for the extended pause that happened: I entered school on January 6th and I haven't had much time to do anything else. As such, because I don't want to lose this story or anything related to it, I'm going to change the format of it AGAIN. My problem is that I have the main plot sequences fleshed out, but I have a very hard time making the in-betweens. Because of that, I'm going to only be writing the main plot sequences.

I apologise for this, and I'm sorry if you enjoyed it the way it was now, but I've realised I simply can't do it.

 

Thank you for your understanding!


	14. Andaran Atish'an, Falon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!!!!!!!
> 
> Sorry for the long wait, I have honestly no excuse, but I have finally finished this chapter. I cannot promise regular updates, however. I'm sorry.
> 
> Without any further ado, let's go!

They cart me off to Skyhold under a constant guard, as suggested by Cassandra, and strange lyrium-laced armbands that drain my mana. However, as far as I can tell, Cass is the only member of the Inquisitor's team that's wary of me.  
  
They hold what Lavellan calls " a mock trial" and I'm set free, no questions asked, but I'm cordially/threateningly invited by Leliana to remain inside Skyhold for the time being. Of course I'm not going to decline. I remain in my room for days at a time, seeing how the tens of criss-crossing scars all over my body slowly fade, but my hair stays white, a permanent reminder of what I have and what I can lose.  
  
I find myself sinking deeper into a slump, and I force myself to take a trip to the library, gathering books about the Fade, Orlesian nobility, and the Champion of Kirkwall (courtesy of Varric). I go to the war room once in a while, only when no one's there, to see how their "story" is progressing.  
  
They are making the final preparations to come to the ball. I ask if I can go. Cullen says no, afraid of magic that he is, and Cassandra is hesitant, but the Inquisitor overrules them all. She still looks at me with fear, a smile that never reaches her eyes, even when she reassures me with platitudes. It reminds me of what some people thought about her before.

 _I would kill her, but she has the mark._ People who are not me do not understand her.  
  
I cry myself to sleep that day. I go out only to eat, and the table I sit on usually vacates as soon as I start to eat. Only Cole and sometimes Varric keep me company.  
  
Even though many have reassured me that I had nothing to do with what happened, I still felt bad. Responsible about what happened, yes, but generally just plain bad. It's the first time I stop and think about what really had been going on in my head for the scant three months that I had been here. A little awe, yes, but I hadn't gotten started on the deeper questions that my being here create. Of course I had to rationalise everything, make as if I had been living in this world all along.  
  
But I didn't feel. Not really. It was too easy a transition to "normal". And now I'm paying the price.  
  
*****  
  
Cole comes to me one day when I have just finished reading a book. He looks at me, and he says nothing, but his gaze tells me everything.  
  
I'm sorry. _Sorrow_. I won't let this happen again. _Anger_. It will be fine. _Compassion_.  
  
Finally, he speaks, his tone slow and ethereal-sounding, as if to make every word count. "You have to face it. They won't believe you're not him anymore until they see it. I know you want to help. They don't. Make them see again".  
  
He disappears in a puff of smoke.  
  
It is this way I find myself at the door in front of Sera's room. How I got here, I don't know. But I know I want to talk to her. Just to 'make sure I'm still people'. I knock. The door opens, and she is there. An arrow is pointing at my face.  
  
 _" If you're possessed, the demon will always try to defend itself"_ I hear, an echo from a voice that's not my own, nor hers.  
  
"Hello, Sera" I say  
  
"Good. So maybe it's still you... Well, someone needed to do somethin'!" she says, trying to hide the mistrust that is imprinted clear on every word.  
  
"I am, as you can see, still me. Can we talk?" I say, nonplussed.  
  
"Yeah...wait, are you not wondering why I held an arrow to your face?"  
  
"You heard once that if someone's possessed, the demon will try to defend it's host. It's as simple as that."  
  
"Creepy, that" she says, clearly out of her element.  
  
"It's not as if I read minds, like Cole. I just know a lot..."  
  
"You're not as creepy as Creepy, I'll give ya that. But I bet you can't shock me with anythin'!  
  
"How do ten silvers sound?" For buying stuff to prank you with, I think inwardly.  
  
"Good 'nuff. Go on, tell your wierd-magicky stuff"  
  
I close my eyes and start reciting. "Pride cookies. Small painted boxes. My parents are gone. The baker doesn't like elves. But he does. It was only her"   
  
I open my eyes. She's staring back at me, mouth agape, eyes disbelieving.   
  
" I believe the accurate word for his is shock, don't you think? Now, do you have the twenty silvers?"   
  
"I, well, just...how?"  
  
"I know a lot about a lot of people"  
  
"Really? do you know about old 'elven glory?" she says, recovering from her sudden shock, apparently none the worse for the wear.  
  
"Yes"  
  
"And you're gonna tell me?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Everyone has secrets they'd like to hide, Sera." "But" I add, silencing the retort forming on her lips "I can help you prank him, if you'd like"  
  
"Haha, grand!" she smirks. "Sure, let's go!"  
  
*****  
  
The pies hadn't been a good idea. If it wasn't for me and a well timed Mind Blast, the repulsion glyphs that Solas had made sure covered every inch of his workspace would have returned the pie to where we had thrown it. As it were, however, the walls of the second floor were covered in a strange sticky substance that had definitely nothing to do with us, and Sera was conflicted between either thanking me or throwing me out of the window.  
  
A cookie would have to do. A peace gift. Maybe.  
  
******  
  
"Sera, why do you hate the Dalish?" I ask. "Have they done anything bad to you?" I say, while sitting down in one of the empty tables at the tavern. She follows suit.  
  
"They're just so friggin' elfy! They're the prob'm! All over your face with their stupid gods and elfy past, 'oh boo hoo we're so poor, our history, our legacy. Nugshit, all of it!"  
  
"So, if they stopped being all 'elfy in your face', would you feel better about them?"  
  
"Well, no! stuck up in the past, they are. All 'elven glory' and 'oh, our lost history"   
  
She blows a raspberry.  
  
"In my world, there's a saying that if you don't know history you're condemned to repeat it"  
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot you were from some creepy other world..."  
  
"Sera, don't evade the question"  
  
"Lookit 'ere." She snaps."I don't friggin' care about elfy history. They're fine as long as they don't rub all their righteousness on your friggin' face!"  
  
"That...makes sense" I admit.  
  
"'Course it makes sense, ya daft tit. This is what makes sense, not stupid dead elves!" she says, leaning forward on her chair dangerously as she emphasises dead  
  
 _She will not admit it,_ the voice I heard earlier says in my head, but this time it's warped and strange. _She denies her past and her future. Leave her._  
  
Okay, that voice is scaring me. I decide to ignore it and continue with another doubt I had.  
  
"Sera, just two questions and I let you go" I say  
  
"'bout time too" she harrumphs.  
  
"First, you know who Ghilan'Nain is, right?"  
  
"Yea. One of the elfy gods you love so much."  
  
"And you love hunting dragons." I say, more statement than question  
  
"I mean, I' ain't hunted one yet, but it sounds nice!"  
  
Here comes the punchline... "Does the name Andruil tick something to you?" I say, and marvel as her usually golden eyes contract and become two black, bottomless globes, veins jumping and becoming swirling red rivers. Her fingers curl around the table, and a twisted sick snarl starts tugging at her lips, but as soon as it happens, it's gone again.  
  
"No," she replies, trying hard to maintain her composure, and failing miserably. "I've no idea"  
  
I smile at her, maybe a little too forcibly, and get up. "Thank you." I say. "It is all I needed to know"  
  
I have to talk to Solas. Or Dorian. Or both.  
  
*******  
  
"Solas, we need to have a chat" I say, opening the door to the circular rotunda which the apostate has claimed as his own.  
  
"I was not aware you had an overwhelming physical need to talk. You haven't been needing to do it since you returned " he quips, looking up from the book he was skimming  
  
Ha. ha. ha.  
  
"Very funny, Solas, but this is serious." I say, and the voice in my head appears again. _Careful with the Nightingale_  
  
"Do you have a spell to muffle sounds? I add.  
  
His eyes spark with understanding, and he says "Of course", and he waves his hand.  
  
"What is it that is so important for you to tell me?" he asks.  
  
"I…think Sera is the mortal vessel of Andruil." I blurt out  
  
"Oh?" "And what makes you suspect such a thing?" He says, nonchalantly, but his posture tenses more, and I can tell he's interested.  
  
"Well, it's said that the Evanuris made Andruil forget all the memories of the void after she went crazy, no?"  
  
"You are correct. But what does it have to do with Sera?"  
  
"Well, firstly, she's dead scared of the nothing., which is the void. Secondly, as you sometimes ask, she stares up at the sky and sees a remnant of the fade there, and that's how she managed to put a beehive in a dummy once"  
  
"Yes, but the fear of the nothing is a common fear, and as for the fade, she could be a repressed mage" he counters.  
  
"I'm a mage, and I don't see it" I say, and then add "Also, she sometimes has dreams that make themselves real, as if they were prophecies, and she recognises places she's never been before"  
  
"That, if true, is indeed troubling to hear. But they don't connect to the Mad Huntress herself"  
  
"Let's just say that I know more that I know more that I'm telling, little wolf."  
  
He looks slightly miffed for a second, but he returns to his neutral mask immediately.  
  
"If you say so, da'len" he says.  
  
I can swear he smirks.  
  
"However" He continues, " I fear there's little to do at the moment. I will, however, watch her much closer than before".  
  
Before we can continue the conversation, however, a blonde, lanky runner comes down the stairs to Solas' rotunda, looking winded and shouting. Solas and I look at each other and smirk in understanding before I dispel the silencing field.  
  
"Serah Lavellan, your presence is required in the war room." he says, but then turns to Solas and says "The inquisitor requests your assistance in the matter discussed earlier" before turning away and running up the stairs.  
  
I narrow my eyes at the apostate before walking in the direction of the War Room.  
  
 _What is that elf planning?_


	15. A particular type of flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Which flower?
> 
>  
> 
> Why, a daisy of course!
> 
> In other news, hello again!

I enter the War Room, and I am immediately greeted by Josephine, who has her civil _i'm-absolutely-fine-but I-really-dont-like-you_ smile on her face.  
  
"Good morning, John. Please enter!"  
  
I step forward, until I occupy the empty space alongside the planning table, standing side by side with Inquisitor Lavellan.  
  
The advisors resume their debriefing of her as if I wasn't there.  
  
"Inquisitor, the Game as played in Halamshiral is ruthless!" Josephine resumes their apparent debate.  
  
"I will not act like a doll in front of shemlen nobles in the bones of my people!" she protests.  
  
"But Inquisitor, if you are going to make a difference, you must act the part" Leliana answers.  
  
"As much as I dislike Orlesians, you must do this, my Lady" Cullen contributes.

 _Everyone jumping on the "Let's manipulate the Inquisitor" bandwagon..._  
  
Lavellan looks as if she was going to answer, but she visibly bites her lips and maintains her silence.  
  
"What must I do?" she asks. She sounds resigned, tired.  
  
"First, we need to find you appropriate clothes, and then you must learn how to play the Game, Inquisitor. Maker knows you need it" Leliana says, unusually direct.  
  
"I believe that it would be more respectful to all of us if we found an appropriately formal Dalish dress for the Inquisitor, no?" I asked, and Lavellan flashes me a smile full of gratitude.  
  
"It would be most convenient, but we cannot find the designs at this time! The ball at the Winter Palace is two weeks away!" protests Josephine.  
  
"But no one has bothered to ask Lavellan!" I say, and the advisors at least have the decency to look ashamed.  
  
"Do you know of anyone who can help us, Inquisitor?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, yes. I apprenticed under my Clan's master craftsman for a while. I would have gotten the position if the old guy didn't live for so long!"  
  
"That means you know how to make our People's dresses, doesn't it?" I ask.  
  
"Well, no, but I have the drawings in my pack that I brought from the Conclave, It's truly a miracle they still live " she says.  
  
"Do you have for both genders?" I ask again, hopeful. Finally no more horrible stuffy clothing!  
  
But the shoes. The shoes! Ever since I had arrived here as an elf, I had to become accustomed to hearing and seeing everything much sharper, and to have a better balance, which made my inner Assassin very pleased, however, one very big downside I found is that shoes hated me as much as I hated them. That, and wool clothing. I don't know if it was some strange new random thing of being an elf or that I was still too accustomed to Earth clothing, but it was there  
  
"Fortunately, yes" she beams.  
  
"Oh good." I answer, truthfully. "No more shemlen clothing for me."  
  
"You must still take the same lessons the Inquisitor is taking, you know..." Leliana told me.  
  
"I do not believe I need dancing classes, no. But if you want to show me your innumerable nobles, then so be it" I resigned myself.  
  
"No need for dancing lessons, right?" she asked again.  
  
"Exactly" I asked, but I squirmed under her poisonous smile.  
  
"Well, Madame de Fer says otherwise"  
  
 _Oh no. No no no no. "She would rather kill me than give me any kind of lessons"_   
  
Oops. "I said that out loud didn't I?"  
  
And I also said that out loud. Crap.  
  
"She expressed her discomfort with the notion at first, but I can be very persuasive" Leliana says, her light venomous smirk evolving into a full shit-eating grin.  
  
"I hate you, you know that?" I grumble.  
  
"Believe me, the feeling is mutual" she returns, voice like soft velvet hiding a steel knife.  
  
"Is there anything else that requires our attention?" Cullen interrupts, apparently exasperated.  
  
"Yes." Josephine says. "A letter recently arrived from my negotiator in Wycome. We have not opened it yet. It most likely brings news from your clan".  
  
 _Oh god no._  
  
My knuckles grip the table so hard that turn white. _I have to tell her._  
  
"Inquisitor..." I start, my voice deceptively low, like the one hunters use approaching a wounded prey.  
  
She, of course, sees right through it.  
  
"What? What's in it?" she says, visibly alarmed.  
  
"You're not going to like the news." I say, my careful tone still on my voice.  
  
"Just tell me what is in there, John!" she almost screams, her nerves making her shake.  
  
I take a deep breath before answering. "If you sent Josephine's ambassador to resolve the conflict, your clan is dead"  
  
She blanches. "No. no, no, no, no, it's not true" she starts repeating, and grasps the envelope from Josephine's Antivan hands.  
  
She desperately tears up the envelope parchment, and starts reading. Her eyes trail off at the bottom of the page, and in that moment you could hear a fly buzzing in the room.  
  
Then she starts to sob. Her fists clench and relax in spasms.  
  
She drops the paper, and it gently floats to the ground. In the time it takes for the paper to reach the floor, she is gone, far away from the War Room.  
  
Ignoring the protests and shouts from the advisors, I run after her.  
  
  
******  
  
Lavellan, a methodical person, doesn't have many places to hide.  
  
I find her curled up in the shade of one of the great trees in the garden, sobbing quietly and clutching a worn-looking book to her chest. A black-haired elf is crouching with her, a hand in her back in a consoling fashion.  
  
I take my damned boots off and I softly pad towards the shade. The raven-haired elf gazes upwards to look at me, and I nearly gasp.  
  
 _What is Merrill doing here?_  
  
"Merrill?" I ask, softly. "What are you doing here?"  
  
She looks up at me, frowns, and then decides I am not part of Clan Sabrae.  
  
"Do I know you?" She asks, but her wary, reserved tone is so unlike her I'm blown aback a little.  
  
“Not really, no” I answer truthfully, but then subvert it as I lie “Varric and Hawke told me about you.”  
  
Her face scrunches up into something awful and i realise I must have misstep somewhere. She then raises her hands and I have little time to put on a barrier _or “bubble shields” , because I somehow make them different_ before a blast of force washes over me.  
  
“Why? What?” I ask her, confused.  
  
“Hawke would never tell anyone about me. I made him promise. Then, you must be a demon. I can feel it!”  
  
She says it with so much conviction I can’t help but flinch, even as I try maintaining my barrier on the face of her onslaught.  
  
I quickly realise I will not be able to hold this on for much longer, less if she activates her blood magic, although she probably wouldn’t dare to in a stronghold with various Templars. Therefore, I change tactics.  
  
“Merrill, look around you! This is not the Fade, and I hold nothing to you! If I were a demon, I would have taken the shape of someone close to you…”  
  
She blinks rapidly, looks around quickly while still throwing spells at me, and her gaze fixes on the prone Inquisitor, who has ceased in her crying and is now watching us with a terrified expression. Her eyes widen, and she stops casting spells, hurrying back to Lavellan, who shrinks into herself even more in return.  
  
I remember my original purpose for coming here, and I stride towards Lavellan, determined to console her more, but then, something very weird happens.  
  
Lavellan starts to glow, although apparently I am the only one who can see it, seeing as how no one else in the courtyard seems to react to it, and the world fractures.  
  
One part of my sight continues to see the garden as how it normally is, without Lavellan glowing, but the other is superimposed on the first, and distorts it with eerie green lights and swirls.  
  
Then the whispers start in my mind, and everyone looks at me funny.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this idea because I saw a fic that addressed it but not in the way I liked, so yeah.


End file.
